If your child is in school, they may already know what a “counselor” is. They also may think that the counselor is the person you talk to “if you’re bad.” The last thing that anyone wants to do is to make a child feel as if there is something wrong with him. Here are a few tips to help ease your child’s anxiety about seeing a therapist.
1) Let your child know that Therapy is not a punishment.
Children understand the idea of going to a doctor for help with a physical injury. You can explain to your child that a therapist is a different kind of doctor who helps people when they have feelings that don’t feel good. Some people even refer to the therapist as a “feeling doctor.”
You can even explain to your child if you’ve gone to therapy in the past (as long as you don’t disclose more information than is appropriate for their age.) For example, if a grandparent passed away previously, and the child already knew about it, you might say something like “Remember when grandma passed away? I was feeling really sad after that, so I went to a therapist to help me feel better.” (Keep in mind, of course, that your child won’t think to keep this information confidential, so if you’d like to keep your therapy private, this particular tip isn’t for you.) This can be a great opportunity to model self-care and destigmatize mental health.
Keep it light. If you don’t act like therapy is a big deal, your child won’t think that it is either.
2) Let them know what to expect.
Just like adults, kids are most anxious about the unknown. To ease their worries, if possible, show them a picture of the therapist from the therapist’s website. For especially anxious children, you can even drive them by the office or ask the therapist for photos of the office. Then, let the child know what to expect once you arrive at the office. You can explain they might talk about school and home, but that there will also be games and art. Make sure that your child knows that they can always say no to the therapist if they’re not comfortable with something.
3) Don’t bring up the therapist when you’re frustrated.
Children can be exhausting now and then. We all lose our cool sometimes, but in those moments, be sure not to say anything that will make them associate the therapist with punishments. For example, if your child is jumping on the couch or throwing food, be sure not to say “THIS is why we’re going to see the therapist” or “We’ll talk about this with Miss Christine next week.”
The child needs to see the therapist as their ally, not yours.
4) Bring a friend.
No, not their best friend from school, but maybe a stuffed animal or a blanket. Young children often have a toy or blanket that they associate with security. Let them know that they can bring it. If your child is especially nervous, you might even talk to the therapist about bringing one of their games from home. With many kids, it can be encouraging enough to say “This therapist has lots of games,” but saying that same thing to an anxious or perfectionist child could invoke fear. They might worry that they won’t know how to play the games or might not be good at them. This can be avoided easily by bringing a game from home, as long as you discuss it with the therapist ahead of time.
5) Validate their feelings.
It can be tempting to tell your child that “It’s nothing to worry about.” If changing your feelings were that easy, therapists wouldn’t have jobs. Let your child know that it’s okay to be nervous by saying things like ,”It can be scary to meet new people sometimes.” Or “It seems like you’re a little nervous.”
6) Ask if they have questions.
Children often worry about things that would never cross our minds. You might think that your child is nervous about meeting someone new, but really, he’s worried that he’ll be missing PE. You can often avoid some worries by simply asking them if they have any questions.
7) Ask for help!
If your child is still nervous or refusing to go to therapy after all of this, call the therapist to ask for advice. That’s what we’re here for!